Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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