he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
