That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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