I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
