After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize