Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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