just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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