i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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