i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
