even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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