Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
