mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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