I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
