So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
