he puts the penis in happiness.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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