If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize