I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
