god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
