NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
