There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
