he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We were destined to go to rehab together
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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