butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
