I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We talked him into tasing himself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
