im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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