I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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