i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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