In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
