Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You brought string cheese to the strip club
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
