It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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