all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
