Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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