Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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