We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
