Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
