Don't you send me to vm
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
