No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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