I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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