Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize