So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
