I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
