Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize