yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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