Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
wow bdsm is so cute
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
