do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
