We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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