Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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