hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
