I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
