my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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