Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
