The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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