My friends, they love my intelligence
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
