chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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