I wish they made helmets for livers.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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