i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
