Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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