Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
