Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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