I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
