cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
