You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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