Whod you bang
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
