Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
