: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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