best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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