It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
