what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
