God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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